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Pic cr. to pinterest Wah... it's been a while. Lagi-lagi, di tahun ini belum bisa menepati janji kepada diri sendiri untuk menulis dengan lebih konsisten. But anyway, dalam rentang waktu beberapa bulan kebelakang banyak hal yang terjadi dalam hidup aku, yang membuatku nggak pernah berhenti melangitkan syukur karena menyadari betapa baiknya Allah SWT kepadaku. Sore ini, aku sedang duduk di kamar kosan, setelah hampir seharian berkutat dengan pekerjaan baruku di kantor, di hari weekend,  dan aku merasa perlu untuk membagikan segala hal yang sedang memenuhi pikiranku. Iya, akhirnya setelah beberapa bulan aku beristirahat dari hiruk pikuk pekerjaan, kini aku kembali menjadi karyawan di salah satu perusahaan yang nggak pernah aku sangka akan menjadi tempat perjalanan karierku berikutnya. Terdengar mustahil pada awalnya, tetapi begitu lah adanya. Yang terlihat mustahil di mata manusia, nggak pernah mustahil untuk Allah SWT. Aku pun merasakan segala kasih sayang Allah padaku sampai hari i...

(ENG) When Silence Feels Too Loud

pic cr. to pinterest

My head feels so noisy.

Voices overlap, parts of me want to keep moving forward, but other parts just want me to stop. In the end, I still have to choose: do I keep living like this, or do I stop here and take another path? It’s loud—too loud inside my head.

I’ve spent so much time trying to heal other people’s wounds, yet I never realized that I, too, need healing. I need to heal if I want to continue living. Only now do I see that my life five years ago wasn’t as heavy as I thought. Everything back then flowed the way I wanted, and I did so many things that I loved. But lately, I’ve truly lost myself. I don’t know what I’m working toward anymore. I don’t know where my dreams are taking me. I don’t even know what I really want.

It’s unbearably noisy.

And I hate it.

I also noticed that lately, when I lie down to rest my body on the softness of my bed, close my eyes, I can finally feel the sadness creeping in. That’s when I realize how not okay I am right now. How unhappy I am.

But then, something reminds me that gratitude is the only way out. That five years from now, I will look back at this version of myself and smile—proud that I made it through. Just like today, I look back at who I was five years ago and see how she carried herself through life.

I’m okay.

It’s normal.

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