(ENG) From Loneliness to Finding My Voice

Pic credit to pinterest.

Maybe things like this will seem ordinary to some people.

And if anyone dramatizes it, they’ll just be called “too sensitive” or “overly dramatic.” It feels like people think you’re not allowed to be “too much” about things like this.

Bullying is honestly a never-ending story. In almost every Korean drama I watch, bullying is always highlighted — and that’s because the numbers are terrifyingly high. Many schoolchildren in Korea even lose their lives because of it. And to me, if something so tragic has already happened, then bullying should never happen again. The bullies themselves must know it’s wrong, right?

Then why is it still happening?

Maybe because they’re desperate for attention?

The scariest thing about bullying, for me, isn’t the act itself, but the trauma that lingers:

The fear of never having friends again.

The endless overthinking.

The paranoia around your own classmates.

The constant fear of “what if I do this wrong? what if I say that wrong?”

Just fear, fear, and more fear.

I speak as someone who’s felt it before.

And honestly? It hurts to remember.

What makes me even sadder is my mom’s reaction whenever I bring it up. She always gets upset when I recall the past, forbidding me to revisit sad stories. She hates when I accidentally talk about it again. She always tells me: “The past is the past. Don’t let it hold you back. Don’t let it make you afraid of the future.”

But no matter how much I try to forget, bad memories stick. They stay. And even though I’ve deal with the situation that happened before, the memories still lingers for a long time, maybe I just wasn’t a good enough friend, maybe my classmates only wanted to tease me because we were kids—which I can’t forget is how I felt.

I was crushed.

I didn’t want to go to school.

I was terrified of walking into class, scared I’d sit alone while everyone else had friends.

I hated the feeling of being so alone.

Now, I’m in college. I have friends, connections, and I can socialize easily with new people. I’m often cheerful and loud around anyone. Maybe some people hate that kind of personality, but it’s become who I am. My close friends are only a few, my circle is small, but I’ve learned to keep it that way.

Still, one scene, one trigger, can bring back that old fear. Even if others brush off my feelings, calling me “too much” or “overthinking,” it doesn’t take away the truth: those scars remain.

That’s also why I decided to leave a student club back in my 2nd semester.

Yes, I was busy with studies, but more than that, I didn’t feel comfortable in a crowded circle of strangers. I was afraid my discomfort would push people away, so I chose to leave before that happened.

Because honestly, I don’t want my life to be filled with too much sadness again. My parents don’t deserve to see their child being bullied.

And here’s the thing I need to say loud and clear:

No matter who you are, whether you’re the child of a president, a CEO, a director, or anyone powerful, you never have the right to bully someone “lower” than you. None. Everyone is born from parents who are not perfect, no matter how rich they are. Don’t ever think you’re entitled to put others down.

But despite all this darkness, I want to remind myself (and you) that there are still so many good people in this world. When someone hurts you, don’t forget there are still others who accept you as you are.

And if it feels like the whole world is against you, remember this:

You have God. You have Allah SWT, the One who created you. You will always be worthy.

Life is like black and white.

There will always be shadows, but there will always be light.

And as long as you walk towards the light, you’ll be okay.

Don’t let anyone make you feel small.

They never have the right to.

Wake up, look around, there are still so many who love you.