(ENG) Tired but Trying: My Life as a Class Leader in 5th Semester

Pic credit to pinterest.

Hi!

It’s Sunday today. I just spent the whole day hanging out with my best friend from middle school and got home around maghrib. Super sleepy, but the moment I step into the house after going out, I’m instantly reminded that I need to snap back to reality—forced to study and finish assignments again.

The sad thing is, I honestly have no idea where to even start with these assignments that are already close to the deadline. You know that feeling when you’re bored, drained, exhausted, but still you have no choice but to keep moving… yet you don’t even know which way to go? That’s me. It’s like walking down a road where suddenly all the streetlights ahead just went out.

This 5th semester, I’ve met new friends, new personalities, new characters. Even though I’ve only known them through chat so far, somehow I already act like I know them well. And yeah… this semester I got a new responsibility. I’m not even sure if I should call it a responsibility, but I volunteered to be the class leader. Honestly, it felt like playing the lottery. Now after a month of classes, I keep thinking: “Wow, what was I even thinking volunteering like that? No one even cares, Haza.”

I don’t know why I acted like I cared so much about people I’ve never even met before. Just because I was bold enough to put my name on the list next to the other class leaders, boom! Suddenly I’m a class leader. Do you know how awkward it feels? Me, who used to barely unmute my mic in class, now talks all the time. Me, who often fell asleep during class, now forces myself to stay awake just so I don’t miss a single piece of info—why? Because I’m the class leader.

And it’s exhausting. Really. I’m tired of saying I’m tired.

Astaghfirullah, I keep complaining huh.

Now I’m always the one following up assignments every week, my notes are more complete than ever, I’ve got all my lecturers’ numbers saved. I even have every single classmate’s number stored, because there’s always someone asking me about assignments—even after the lecturer already explained it. I’ve become so diligent it doubles my workload. Not only do I handle my own responsibilities, but I also have to remind my classmates not to miss their deadlines. I mean, I know they’re not kids anymore, but honestly adults forget more than kids. (Wait, are we even adults yet? Not really. Still in between.) Point is, I also carry responsibility for my classmates.

So, dear classmates, if you’re reading this—please understand that being class leader means my work is doubled. Don’t just read group chats and ignore them. It’s exhausting to wait for replies.

Yeah… ended up ranting, didn’t I?

Maybe this is karma for me too, because back then I used to reply to my class leader’s chats personally rather than in the group. But at least I wasn’t a silent reader. I still tried to be responsive, because I respected my class leader. I mean, if it weren’t for them handling all the class matters, what would’ve happened, right?

Honestly, I’m okay with being the class leader now. Because at least there are one, two, or a few people who really appreciate me here. People who actually understand my doubled responsibilities compared to theirs. Thank you so much!

So yeah, that’s basically it. I’m just tired. From assignments, from the mental load, from being class leader. Everything shouldn’t feel like a burden, but theories are always easier than practice, right? You’ll never truly understand it until you experience it yourself.

So, good luck to everyone who’s in the same shoes as me. Please take care of your health, because when the class leader gets sick, things get a little messy. Let’s all stay healthy together!